Song of the Week 20

Long time since this "feature" made an appearance. I don't know why except that life has the habit of getting in the way of fun things. And, life for me hasn't been so fun lately.

Sometimes I just think I'm too old for change and stress. Knots in my stomach daily do not serve me well, nor do they serve anyone well. I am among the few that do not believe you must experience pain and discomfort in order to "grow". I have a job and I'm thankful for that, but, it is no longer the job I knew and loved. I know this is a development thing for me, but I'm not a young person desiring a huge title. I want to write and be an artist. I wake up in the morning having had dreams about work and things I didn't understand or do right and just hate that. If I died tomorrow, what did I accomplish? I hate to think of that.

So now we have John Lennon. He was murdered at 40 years old. He was 10 years younger than I am now, and contributed so much in his life. Had he lived, he'd be 70 years old in October. Yeah, he was murdered almost 30 years ago. I was a kid that grew up believing in Karma and as I got older "really" understood that. Somehow, though, I don't know that I've lived up to what I was taught. Or have I? I had dreams, yet I was told to be responsible (live differently than my dreams) and be able to put food on the table. Not sure why living your dreams and putting food on the table differ, but, whatever.

I know many people do live their dreams and put food on the table. Somehow, I just haven't achieved that yet. But, I do believe it's possible. The struggle, though, is keeping that dream in sight, while feeling miserable and sick and just out of control. Never an easy task. Daily, I am reminded of the fact that I've become the person I swore I never would be and feel rather disturbed by that. I really need to make some changes, and before it's too late. As the song says, "why in the world are we here, surely not to live in pain and fear".

In honor of John Lennon, Song of the Week, and my dark mood (hoping for a bit of enlightenment), Instant Karma.